[Courage to be hated] An article for people who are seriously afraid of being hated by people [There can't be such a thing]

2024.11.26

ﾌﾟ（「ﾌﾟ」は半角ｶﾅ）

Hello,
"Pu ("Pu" is a half-width kana)".
(You don't have to pronounce the part of ("pu" is a half-width kana))

Suddenly, have you ever thought, "I want to be liked by everyone in this world"?
I have.

Relationships are difficult, aren't they? I don't want to be hated by anyone, and I want to be loved by everyone if possible.
But stop for a moment and think about it. Do you really need to be liked by everyone?

This time, I would like to talk to people who are extremely afraid of being hated.

Contents

1 Characteristics of people who don't want to be hated

What I want you to keep in mind before worrying about the eyes of two people

3 Since the environment in which we live is different, it is natural
that the sled does not fit4 Conclusion

Contents

1 Characteristics of people who don't want to be hated >
2 Things to keep in mind before worrying about people's eyes
3 The environment in which they lived is different, so it is natural that the sled does not fit
4 summary

Characteristics of people who don't want to be hated >

People who are extremely afraid of being hated by others tend to "not get enough affirmation and approval in childhood and adolescence".

If you grow up in an environment where your parents and surroundings demand too much of you to be a good child during childhood and adolescence, you are more likely to unconsciously develop a habit of worrying too much about the evaluation of others.
As a result of learning that "being a good child = being loved", you may feel that not being hated is your value.

If you are raised in a strict way, or if you experience bullying or isolation, you will have a stronger tendency to suppress yourself and continue to meet the expectations of others, and even as an adult, you will be more likely to remain fearful that you don't want to be hated by anyone.

I talk

about myself whenever I have a chance, but I have also lived my life being denied by others, so I can't recognize my own worth and sometimes leave my value standards to the evaluation of others.
In this way, because they believe that not getting approval = they are not worthy, many people who "don't want to be hated" tend to worry too much about the other person's evaluation.
Sometimes, you may overreact not only to the evaluation directed at yourself, but also to the other person's casual remarks and attitudes.

Things to keep in mind before worrying about people's eyes

The other person is not as free as I think

For example, let's say you think, "Mr. XX may not like me."
I think there are various reasons why people come to such thoughts, such as "I have been making mistakes at work and causing trouble to Mr. ○○" or "I have made a casual remark to Mr. ○○".

In such a case, think about it as the other person who may hate you.
Certainly, when the other person is bothered or hurt by you, it cannot be said that there is no possibility of feeling disgusted with yourself.

But can people carry such bad feelings forever?
That's right. As the saying goes, "If you go too far in your throat, you will forget the heat", people are creatures that forget over time.

In addition, in our daily lives, people are busy with various things such as work, housework, and childcare.
It's safe to say that in our busy lives, we don't have time to think about you.
Therefore, in most cases, the other person does not think about you as much as you think.
In other words, what do you do when you become self-conscious only at times like this because of your habit of repeating self-denial?
(This is a self-restraint.) ）

What are you really afraid

of?

So what exactly are you really afraid of?
In fact, it is not about anyone else, but about "yourself".
By repeatedly denying oneself, such as "Did I do something to the other person?" and "What was wrong with me?", you will not be able to look at things calmly and objectively, and
In the end, you will come to the conclusion that the other person may not like me.

So, when you feel like you're about to think, "I'm definitely hated!", think, "The other person isn't free enough to think about me all the time."

The environment in which they lived is different, so it is natural that the sled does not fit

Being hated = not a complete denial of value

The

feeling of not wanting to be hated often comes from the feeling of "not wanting to be hurt".
It's natural to think, "What if that person doesn't like me?", but if that fear becomes too strong, you will overdo it in your relationships.

But if someone hates you, it's a matter of their values and environment, not denying your value itself.
On the other hand, if you feel that you are not good at it, you are not negating everything about that person. It's the same.

If you want to deny everything to that person...
I think you've been hurt so much that you get stuck with such thoughts.
I did my best. When it's hard, cry and sleep with your eyes full.

The

importance of taking care of yourself

If you worry too much because you want to be liked by everyone and don't want to be hated by anyone, you will end up being the most tired.
A life that only conforms to others leads to sacrificing yourself.

Before you care about others, try to take care of yourself first. If you continue to have to endure for the sake of the other person, your mind will be exhausted.
If you can't take care of yourself, you won't be able to find someone who really cares about you.

Valuing your opinions and feelings and expressing them is very important to protect your own dignity.

When you live "in your own way", strangely, people who find it attractive can naturally gather and build truly valuable relationships.
Why don't you try to live as much as possible and live to your heart's content once in a while?